Time for that fearless, emotional inventory… If you are blue, take your cue! 

While life circumstances can contribute to one’s feelings of disconnect, circumstance alone cannot be always blamed. Sometimes we have no easy explanation for our emptiness and start to feel guilty for not having a good reason to feel this way.

Charlotte Brontë who wrote Jane Eyre said, “The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.”

Here is a list of common feelings and actions that lonely people get caught up in. 

  • Useless, feeling you have nothing to offer
  • Cynically lashing out against people who appear successful
  • Withdrawal into yourself to avoid conflict with others
  • Exaggerated self-pity
  • Fear of trying new social adventures

Listen to the ancient blues writer who stopped going to church.

Psalms 42:
 3 My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long,  "Where is your God?"
 4 These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I use to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
 5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.

The writer is lonely and depressed because of people who scoffed and misunderstood him.  He talks about the emotional fulfillment he used to have with the crowd at church, but now he’s not going.  There are many who end up this way.  But the writer does not stay away for long.

Verse five shows his response.  He realizes that is responsible for his own feelings and tells himself to put his hope in God.  He decides to offer God praise in spite of his downcast, disturbing emotions.  He takes his cue from his feelings and decides that God must have the answer he is looking for.

Sometimes people need a counsellor, pastor or good friend to help them get to this point. 

But, unless you can stop in the middle of your personal agony and recognize the tailspin you are in, no amount of counselling will help.  You have to own your feelings and decide to take steps to move ahead. Take your cue—you can confront the loneliness and strengthen healthy connections.